The Gift of Forgiveness

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21-22

What is it that makes forgiveness difficult? What is it that primarily motivates us as Christians to forgive another? What does forgiveness do?

In answer to the first question personal wounded-ness ranks high on the list of obstacles to healing. If we have been hurt by another person we want the other to compensate at least by apology for the harm done and so we can easily resist or avoid the thought of extending forgiveness. Let me tell you a story that for me personally had a remarkable and forever remembered ending.

My friend and I grew up together. Our birthdays were one day apart. We were always at each other’s birthday parties as young growing boys. Later in our teens we had an awful fight after a football game at our high school. Our relationship changed from that day. We no longer spent time together and as it turned out neither one of us ever forgot that terrible encounter.

Forty years later my friend lay in his bed at home dying of cancer. He had grown as a Christian in the last few years of his life. He asked his parish priest to contact me and ask me to visit him at his home. The minister did that and said to me that the matter was something about a fight that my friend wanted to speak to me about. I was near my friend’s home-town around that time and made the visit to him. I was deeply aware of the issue and of his situation. I was met at the door of his home by his housekeeper and directed to his bedroom where he was painfully dying. Our eyes met. He spoke and moved very quickly to what he wanted to say. “Terry do you remember that fight we had?” I said that I did and he went on to say-“ well we never spoke much after that did we?” I knew where this conversation was going and why it was going that way- my friend was dying and wanted to put things right. He wanted forgiveness in our relationship forty years after the harmful event. I said to him – “Well, I guess it was the case of a wounded ego on my part.” The conversation went on. I spoke to my friend of the fact that Jesus loved him greatly and I told him that I loved him too. We had prayer together as I sat beside him on his bed and because of his pain our visit could not continue longer. Two weeks later my friend died and ever since I have felt nothing but love for him and peace about the fact that we forgave each other and our relationship was eternally restored. The memory of the fight was no longer painful, forty years later.

What kept us apart? Stubborn, wounded pride! What brought peace and restoration in our relationship? What was the motivating factor in this? It was not just my friend’s impending death but I believe it was primarily the person of Jesus whom we had both come to know and love as the One who loved us and had imparted to us the forgiveness of our sins. Because we knew God’s forgiveness in our personal lives we were not only able to forgive each other, we wanted to forgive each other. There was also, in the face of the impending death of my friend, the awareness that in life forgiveness matters.

Here in the story that I have related to you, we see stubbornness and pride as a common obstacle to forgiveness. We see that the awareness of Jesus and His love motivates the Christian to pursue and extend forgiveness. The end result of forgiveness is peace and reconciliation.

The disciple Peter’s question to Jesus raises for us the issue of forgiveness. Jesus’ answer to Peter shows us the extent of Christian forgiveness. The parable as related in Matthew’s Gospel chapter 18 verses 21-35 makes it clear to us there is an expectation on the part of the king that his servant would be forgiving because the servant himself had been greatly forgiven. This is a kingdom parable showing the way one is to live under God’s reign.

Jesus had taught his disciples to pray, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” This is a way of life for the disciples of Jesus.

On August 6th, 1998 I was attending a Eucharist at the Lambeth Conference. It was the anniversary date of the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The Holy Catholic Church in Japan led the service. It was a most moving service because the Japanese Church confessed of its failure before God and us because of its complicity with the Japanese government during the Second World War. Its’ prayers of confession were honest and real.

During that service a woman read the Gospel reading and she was the daughter of a former Bishop of Singapore. I had at one time seen a documentary film about this Bishop who was a prisoner of war in a Japanese prison camp. He ministered faithfully to the Christians and people within that prison camp. For some political reason he was seen as a threat and was routinely tortured by the Japanese Army.

At the end of the story, the war now over, the Bishop is seen administering Confirmation in a church. Before him knelt a man, and as the Bishop placed his hands on the head of this man we see that it was his Japanese torturer, who had turned to Christ as his Saviour and Lord. Between torturer and victim had come forgiveness, peace, and reconciliation through the Prince of Peace, our Lord Jesus Christ.

The answer of Jesus to Peter by way of the parable referred to above (Matthew 18:21-35) leaves us aware of the importance of forgiving relationships in the kingdom of God.

This is made clear to us Sunday after Sunday in the liturgy of the Eucharist. Before the Eucharistic prayer we confess our sins. “We have not loved you with our whole heart. We have not loved our neighbours as we love ourselves.” Forgiveness of our sins is pronounced. We extend the hand of forgiveness to others in “The Peace”. Forgiven by God we extend forgiveness to one another.

There are three points to remember about “The Peace”.

1. It is an encounter- we meet Christ in others.

2. It is about reconciliation- as reconciliation it dramatizes the teaching of Mat.5:23-24.

3. It is about anticipation- it dramatizes the Eucharist as a foretaste of the banquet in the kingdom. The peace and unity experienced provide a glimpse of the Kingdom, which is yet to come. (From page 177 of The Book of Alternative Services of the Anglican Church of Canada)

It is only after we confess our sins to God, hear forgiveness pronounced, extend forgiveness (peace) to one another that we stand or kneel side by side at the Lord’s Table to receive the visible signs of the greatness of God’s love for us and of our oneness in Him.

As followers of Jesus together we live in a community of faith where peace and reconciliation is always possible. Sunday after Sunday we are reminded of how greatly we are forgiven and loved by God. Sunday after Sunday we are reminded that as greatly forgiven, we are to be a forgiving people by the grace of God and to the glory of God.

The gospel calls us to seriously pursue the healing of relationships in the church and to make every effort to find peace and reconciliation through forgiveness. As the church we are called to be light in the world. Our life together is to demonstrate to the world what life together under God can be in this world. Jesus taught us to pray, “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”.

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you not seven times but seventy -seven times.” Mat.18: 21-22